Issues & Concerns Category > Violence
enditnow - Violence Against Women
Bob Pickle:
The entire Ministry article can be read at a Christian Reformed Church website:
http://network.crcna.org/content/safe-church/end-it-now-today
Johann:
I find it interesting that this article is available on the net through the Christian Reformed Church website before it is available from the MINISTRY website.
At the CRC webside I found this important question delt with:
http://network.crcna.org/content/safe-church/why-cant-we-just-forgive-one-another
princessdi:
I have only observed, not experienced because I was never married to church leadership/pastorate, neither had the inclination to be married to such.
However, what I have observed is that in many ways we are the same as any other christian denom who have systems resembling ours.....including the RCC.
One situation had one pastor who battered his wife for years, and it was the typical story with her putting his "career" first and not saying anything......for years. Well, it go very bad at one point and she actually had to call in church members and authorities for help. He then claimed that it was her fault because he came home.....that day.....and caught her in a lesbian affair..........NOT!!!.....but they went with that any way, even though they also tried to convince her to stay. She refused and she was told that they would look out for his career. Even taking this "defense" to court regarding custody of the children. So they allowed to circulate the fact that she was having this affair, but NOBODY would believe that he was abusing her....except for those who worked in that area in some way...they were definitely a minority. Now, at this point, they did not remove him, but just made him asst. pastor at another church in the area. Now, this situation was a bit different from the rest, as I guess the conference really did believe that he abused her, because they would not allow him to be senior pastor anywhere, and then when he went and got remarried, they actually did remove him. He stayed married and moved across country, where that conference did allow him to pastor.
Now, I know of other stories where they just moved them. I also know of stories with tragic even fatal results. Those were mostly between prominent SDA families.
In all the situations, the wife was blackballed, even often having the the conferences actively working to destroy her credibility(sound familiar?), in favor of "saving" his career...and of course, "for the good of the ministry"....."how would it look if that kind of thing got out". Even sucessfully convincing many of the wives to remain in the marriages, without requiring pastors to get they help they needed.
And then....I am not going to even go into all the sexual abuse happening within families...leadership families..........young boys and girls molested within the ranks of the Pathfinders, SS, youth depts, Women/young girls being "felt up", kissed and bitten suring "greeting time" at divine worship service, etc. Yes, yes we have quite a few TS's within our own ranks. It would take the same one or two witnesses to the police station for us to have a media worthy blow up in far too many of our churches.
Once again, if they are not, first and foremost, going to address those issues, they are just blowing smoke. Not only the ones that might come up in the future, but the existing abuses everyone knows about already. You know how everyone in the church knows what is going on, including the board members, but it is never addressed on an official level? Yes, those are the ones I am talking about. It would be a courageous act by the church in that it would mean the removal of members, leadership at church and conference levels. However, it would go along way with the victims, and probably, the world in letting them know that the church was serious about eradicating this sickness within the church.
mrst53:
Not just your church..Baptist too. A very domineering junior pastor battered his wife, verbally and physically but kept the bruises where they didn't show. He also hit his children.. also where the bruises didn't show. It wasn't til the oldest daughter married and her husband began shoving and hitting her, that the mother realized what she had done and began to stand up for herself and her other children. Did the other people in the church know? The other women did and I am sure the other deacons did. The jr. pastor had a terrible temper. I am sure they just looked the other way....
princessdi:
Exactly Mrst53....everyone looking the other way.
--- Quote from: mrst53 on August 10, 2010, 05:04:37 PM ---Not just your church..Baptist too. A very domineering junior pastor battered his wife, verbally and physically but kept the bruises where they didn't show. He also hit his children.. also where the bruises didn't show. It wasn't til the oldest daughter married and her husband began shoving and hitting her, that the mother realized what she had done and began to stand up for herself and her other children. Did the other people in the church know? The other women did and I am sure the other deacons did. The jr. pastor had a terrible temper. I am sure they just looked the other way....
--- End quote ---
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