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Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 8906 times)

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Murcielago

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #15 on: July 25, 2011, 01:36:06 AM »
Dying laughing here!!!!!
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GRAT

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #16 on: July 25, 2011, 08:48:50 AM »
What's in a Name

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
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princessdi

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #17 on: July 25, 2011, 11:22:20 AM »
See!  LOL!  Thanks for the great laughs ,Johann and GRAT!
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It is the duty of every cultured man or woman to read sympathetically the scriptures of the world.  If we are to respect others' religions as we would have them respect our own, a friendly study of the world's religions is a sacred duty. - Mohandas K. Gandhi

Artiste

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #18 on: July 25, 2011, 12:57:09 PM »
I'm laughing a lot too!  Thanks for the diversions!
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"Si me olvido de ti, oh Jerusalén, pierda mi diestra su destreza."

Artiste

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #19 on: July 25, 2011, 12:58:52 PM »
Question:  What did the nurse say to the invisible man?

Answer:  The doctor can't see you now.
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"Si me olvido de ti, oh Jerusalén, pierda mi diestra su destreza."

Johann

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #20 on: July 25, 2011, 01:16:04 PM »
The doctor and the mechanic were good friends, so the mechanic and his wife decided to invite the physican and family for dinner. Soon they got a scribbled note from the physician but the mechanic was not able to decipher if they'd come for dinner or not.

- Lets ask the pharmacologist, so they went to the drug store.

- Sure, said the pharmacologist. We are used to reading their handwritings. Just wait a moment.

When the druggist returned he was carrying two small bottles in his hands.

- That will be $12.75

They still did not know if the doctor and his wife were coming for dinner.
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Johann

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #21 on: July 25, 2011, 01:25:53 PM »
Many years ago I saw a drawing of man in the Saturday Evening Post running and hiding behind the curtains, holding one hand to his ear.

- You must have the wrong number. I haven't even got a phone.
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GRAT

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #22 on: July 28, 2011, 07:18:15 AM »
Eat Chocolate?

A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy 2 servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume about 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one pound of weight per week.

Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165 pounds.

So... without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about 3 months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!

(I couldn't resist this one.   I have heard that taking care of an elderly parent, being over weight, and being divorced each take 10 years off your life.  Since I am all three and the the life span according to the Bible is 70 years and since I am 60 years old I should have been dead 20 years ago!)
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Artiste

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #23 on: July 28, 2011, 12:12:33 PM »
Good rational for chocolate!
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"Si me olvido de ti, oh Jerusalén, pierda mi diestra su destreza."
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